Monday, May 1, 2017

For my Writer (Reader) friends...


I'm mulling a couple versions of my blurb. Any thoughts? Readers: does one grab you?

Page turning suspense, titillating threat of romance—Bea Ruud’s escape from victim-self-pity is in the toilet and she’s starting over, with a titanium hip, her running and skydiving days over. Her stalker remains a threat. Family skeletons loom with her uncle mulling a run for governor—until he disappears, with Bea’s father. Scandal, international intrigue, and armed men threaten the family. Amid the chaos, she has gentlemen showing interest in her, something she’s not accustomed to. Her life a shambles, the timing could be better.


Bea Ruud, accomplished athlete, attorney-turned-photographer, rape and kidnap survivor, is starting over with a titanium hip and knee, her running and skydiving days history. Her famous family’s shadow looms darker than ever—under her parent’s care, under the same roof. Her uncle’s life explodes in scandal and intrigue, then he disappears, with Bea’s father. Gunmen threaten the family. With all the chaos, four men appear captured by Bea’s charms. They must be crazy. She’s no bubbly personality.


12 comments:

  1. The second blurb grabbed my interest!

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  2. The first one seems more "together". Both make me say "WTH?
    Lisa

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  3. The first is more like your writing style, but the second packs the information in...

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  4. The first one - the opening line grabs me more.

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  5. I prefer the second one but perhaps add the opening line from the first. If you decide to use the first one, I'd take out the last part about a relationship as this isn't necessary and takes away some of the punch. Just my humble opinion. Good luck with it, Mac. Sounds like a thrilling read.

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  6. Maybe take a bit from both and create a "Reader's Digest" version, short and snappy, enough info to draw a reader without giving away too much.

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  7. I like the second one more, but I'm not sold on the last line. I need more of a dangling carrot or ticking time bomb in the last line.

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  8. I agree with River to take a little from both. The second one has more voice in it, but the first one better states the story.

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  9. ??? i am not a reader - i can't remember what i read and i am no one to criticize. BUT, for me, both opening sentences were long, maybe they are suppose to be.

    i read them twice and if i had to pick, #2!!

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  10. I prefer the second. I prefer blurbs which only tell me about the story, rather than praising the author by saying the book is page turning etc.

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  11. Oh, my English is not good enough, but I'm still learning every day a little bit. ;-)

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