Thursday, October 11, 2012

Improve My Blurb? Thoughts?



My sequel to Lord Regent is decanting today after its last edit pass, and I'm working on the blurb. Please tell me what you think? Feel free to cut-paste-and-rant all you'd like in an email if you wish…Contact me

Power ordains, not fiat. Named heir mere months ago, Justen has already won a war across the ocean. The seventeen-year-old builds upon his support and proceeds with his reforms, but plots against his life may ensure he never rules as king.
Could his own mother want him dead? She and her brother are incompetent if not corrupt. Deposing them as the Southern dukes may raise more problems than it fixes. Looming more formidably, the two who expected to rule. He must resolve that prior to the king's death. Otherwise civil war will be unavoidable.
He faces more personal matters. An affliction that exhausts him every time he applies his arcane talents. Infatuation with his squire, his chief council, and the sultry Jattisian trader. There is also the stigma of being single born in a society of twins, which affects every interaction, complicates every relationship.
In the meantime he learns to deal with the endless voices in his mind, putting to use the visions that often make no sense, sometimes save his life, and the taboo of occult healing, an art he can't survive without.

Have a great week!

-R. Mac Wheeler
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5 comments:

  1. Gees, its long, Mac.

    Can't you cull some of the elements?

    Hmmm...what can we kill?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Let me see...

    Named heir mere months ago, Justen has already won a war across the ocean bringing him more support for his inevitable reign. But will that support be strong enough soon enough. Already, plots against his life have surfaced and the fingers are pointing to his own mother.

    He finds he can't fully rely on his arcane talents for protection because he becomes exhausted every time he uses them. Maybe the endless voices in his mind are the answer. They have proven useful before.


    Probably not enough, but it's a start????

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  3. I like the idea of a society of twins, but I wasn't sure if everyone has a twin, or most people, or if Justen has a twin.

    mood

    ReplyDelete
  4. I liked JCs rewrite.

    There may be a couple more things to add a personal touch to Justen; like Heir Aparent instead of just heir so the reader knows Justen is the next king, and maybe add that his "squire" is an emotionally wounded female warrior.

    But it pretty much shows the speed at which everything will happen in your novel (fought and won an overseas war and reformed 2 kingdoms in less than 3 months). A quick pace, lots of action and high emotional tension.

    When does Lord Regent launch?

    .......dhole

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm feeling biased since I read the first one and thus already kind of know what's going on. I don't think I'm objective enough. But it is pretty good. This confused me somewhat:

    Looming more formidably, the two who expected to rule. He must resolve that prior to the king's death. Otherwise civil war will be unavoidable.

    Were you still talking about Justen's mother and her brother? Or someone else? That wasn't clear to me.

    ReplyDelete