Thursday, April 5, 2012

Feedback, Anyone? Blurb for FIRST CONTACT

A telepathic greeting reached mankind from a dark edge of the universe.  

The seventeen member crew of the Kory Mae will be the first to explore outside our galaxy, to verify sentient life truly exists in the rogue solar system. The two-year mission will challenge them by the physics required to reach their destination, isolation, greed, fear, war, politics, disease, assassination—and arcane forces.  

If they fail, there will be no rescue. There is no univer-cell service where they're going. To survive, everything must go right. They have two advantages: the most advanced craft ever designed, and the brilliant physicist who built it, commanding the mission.  

FIRST CONTACT is the third volume of the PERSONA KORY MAE series. 

Read a three chapter excerpt here.
-R. Mac Wheeler
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  1. I like it except that the tense shift from past to future in the verbs from the first sentence to the rest confuses me a little bit. Perhaps you might tinker with that first sentence????

  2. Sonds intriguing, but I am confused by the last sentence in the first paragrraph. Are those challenges that might prevent their mission or during the mission? On Earth or aboard the shp? Best of luck with it! It soinds fun.

  3. I really like this, except I would change reached to reaches in the first line.

  4. It sounds pretty good as is. I think you should use "reaches" instead of "reached" and I think you should say it reaches the earth rather than mankind, because in a space-age story, mankind could be anywhere in the universe, even just a few light years away from the source.

  5. I appreciate all the feedback.

    I understand the tense change irks. I have to think about it, because that doesn't ocurr within the timeline of the novel. It happens first, and as the novel opens, they are preparing to depart.

    I used 'mankind' because it didn't reach earth. A member of a team at the edge of the galaxy, testing a new FTL drive, was reached by the telepathic message.

    I'll be sitting on this a few days. It doesn't have two things I would like to add...-a little more zip and - an indication this is very much character driven. It has its action and intrigue, but actually there is a lot of Payton Place. Hmmm

    Thanks to all