Monday, January 30, 2012

Feedback, Anyone? Blurb for PKM

I mentioned in my post Friday I'm preparing to pub Persona Kory Mae. I admit I struggle with descriptions. Any thoughts on this:

Dying is a crappy way to launch a new career. Waking up in a body cast with cracked vertebrae sucks. Befriended by a man who hurls her into the middle of galactic intrigue, running for her life, downright bites.  

As though being born a dwarf in the fourth millennium wasn't bad enough. Toni Tegaris started life in an institution, unwanted, endlessly bullied. Luckily, she has a single edge—being very, very bright.  

Her lonely career path as a merchant space captain suits her. She busted her butt to afford her own ship, one she designed, more advanced than anything in the galaxy. Before she has the chance to take ownership of the EUMV Kory Mae, her plan goes terribly wrong. Toni is forced to rely on another for the first time, her self-exile from humanity interrupted.  

Her protector has baggage of his own, which embroils Toni in espionage and terrorism, between fanatics fighting annexation by the Earth Union, and security forces willing to leverage anyone for their own means. 

Avoiding laser blasts and abduction attempts, she finds herself in love with two men. Could they love her back? She doesn't know how to let them.  
R. Mac Wheeler
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  1. This first bit isn't coming from me but from something I read somewhere, that supposedly you should introduce the MC's name in the first para. Doesn't bother me, though.

    The only bit I was confused about was the opening.It's a cracker of a first line but she isn't dead is she? If she is, why is she in a body cast, and if she isn't, I don't think the first line works.

    I like the rest of it, I have a soft spot for dwarves :-)

  2. I thought this was excellent!

  3. I definitely like the voice. You might want to take a look at punctuation in the second para (need a comma instead of period).

  4. It is catchy, sounds like a lot of action. And romance. That cover is great too.