Thursday, April 29, 2010

Gut Check

With the last round of not-for-mes coming in for novel fourteen, I was feeling a little down. Then a straggler came in for novel thirteen. A knife in the abs. I found myself asking, "What the heck am I sitting here every day for?" I didn't really say heck, but I try to keep this clean—I like Dina to check out my blog, and she doesn't approve of my potty mouth. Anyway, back to my depression. The response to my whining was, "You need to go out and get a real job."

I knew getting published wasn't going to be easy. Maybe, more definitively, I have myself to blame. I've worked much harder writing than selling. I told myself, "Suck it up, girly."

Time for a gut check.

I asked myself, "What am I about?" I scribbled down the following.

• Life is too short
• Don't sweat the things you can't change
• Focus on the grand scheme
• Do everything you touch as well as you can
• Put old projects behind you—focus on what's next
• Allow yourself to enjoy the moment

Reading it over, I'm still not sure if it helps. But I know I love creating worlds and quirky characters, developing situations for them to struggle in and persevere. I think back to the last three contracts I had in the real world—I call them contracts from hell. The last one gave me angina by 9:30 every morning. Life wasn't meant to be like that, working for people who look at you as nothing but a resource, a thing, to be moved around like an icon of a game.

"Don't go girly. You're happy writing, even if the accolades aren't streaming in."

"That special agent will take the time to read about Toni or Renee, or Jon or Morgan, and put you in front of an editor."

I have to believe.

Write Every Day!


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